Tuesday mornng I headed down to NY presbyterian, thinking I would be preparing for radiation treatments to help relieve this terrible cough I hve been daling with for the last month. Unfortunately, this was not the case. Due to progression of the disease in my liver, a differnt course of action is going to be taken.
The big difference is that I will now be recieving chemotherapy. This is not the best news I could hear. Chemotherapy response rates in menanoma patients are less than spectacular, which is why I have not recieved chemo treatments in the past. Another eason that I have not had chemo before was because chemo is effective against fast growing cancers. Up until now, it has been growing very slowly according to the doctors.
For the first time, I actually am feeling sick. Weeks of coughning have irritated various muscles around my core, creating constant pain. Even with regular doses of oxycontin, I am in constant pain, and every cough feels like I have taken a body blow from Muhammed Ali. This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever had to endure, bith phsically and mentally. Previous treatments, broken bones, ecovery from surgery, even Mrs. Race's sixth grade from Hell at least had the promise of being over if I just waited long enough. But this time there are no certain answers. No telling how much longer this wil go on.
Chemo also will cause significant changes. My year-long attempt to grow long, flowing locks will be halted, and I will have to adopt he Mr. Clean look. Someone told me yesterday to expect to "lose hair wher you wouldn't think it would fall out." Well, at least it will be less painful than a Brazillian. Also related to that region, I have been advised to consider sperm banking. Oooookaaaayyyy. This was something I never had to think about before. But in the next few days I'm going to have to decide if I want to freeze my, um, genetic sample in case certain parts of me are never the same again. And I have no idea when I will drink another beer.
I really just want this whole thing to be over with, and quickly. Two weeks ago when they told me they wouldn't start radiation until July 13, I thought "I can't last another month like this." It might be even longer than that now until I'm back to normal. It's really hard right now. I'm in constant pain, and the pills don't seem to be helping all that much. I keep taking them, wondering how much pain I would be in if I stopped. There are a lot of questions, and no answers, and I guess that's the hardest thing to deal with right now.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Getting Grouchy During Downtime
The worst thing about this whole hurry up and wait situation I'm dealing with is the fact that I'm waiting to do something. Until I quit coughing, my physical activities have been limited. Basically, this means that despite all of this great summer weather, I'm on the couch when I would rather be out riding my bike. This of course, makes me a royal pain in the ass to deal with. I'm cranky, hurting, whacked on percocet, and can't go out and spin for 90 minutes to get the agression out of my system. I have a feeling that I won't begin treatment until July 9- my birthday.
I don't know why the doctors are dragging their feet on this. This is really getting on my nerves. Not only is this annoying me, I can't go in for more IL-2 treatments until this is taken care of. It's not a good dea to be going through that while having painful coughing spells.
Nothing like havng another summer taken away. Last summer I was on the DL until well into July. This summer isn't looking to be all that promising, either. I hate having this fuck up my plans, it's really annoying. When all you want to do is try and go on living a normal life, this stuff really can piss you off.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Up and atom!!!
Earlier this week I travelled down to NYC yet again (E-Z Pass should be giving me some sort of bonus rewards for the amount of time I spend on the Thruway). This time it was to Beth Israel to meet with Dr. Harris to treat me for this annoying lesion that's been making me cough so much that it hurts. The plan is to zap me with radiation beams at varied angles, so that they converge on the lesion, hopefully shrinking it so it stops irritating my trachea and making me act like the Marlboro Man late in life.
They warned me about the various side effects that I might experience. They were mainly concerned about having minor problems like nausea and the like. Now I thought exposure to radiation would have much different side effects. Bruce Banner got exposed to a gamma ray machine which caused him to become the Incredible Hulk whenever he got pissed off. Peter Parker got bit by a radioactive spider and became Spiderman. How cool would it be if after this I could climb up walls and jump off of high places without getting hurt? That would make my next trip to Whistler a hell of a blast!
Unfortunately I don't think that Professer Xavier will be calling me up after these treatments. But as long as I can breathe easy, sleep comfortably, and get back to riding my bike aain, I guess I can live without super powers.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Finally- some great news
No point in any long intros, I'm just going to come out and say it. According to my most recent CT scan (June 12), some of the melanoma lesions in my lungs have dissapeared!!!. Let me repeat that: some of the melanoma lesions in my lungs have dissapeared!!!
Here's the deal: I have been feeling like hell for the last two weeks. I have been coughing like I smoked two packs of Marlboros a day since Styx had their last hit single. A lesion near my windpipe was agitiating it, causing me to cough ad nauseum. By ad nauseum I mean it even made me puke a few times. I couldn't take it anymore, so on Monday I called my doctor. He had me go to NYC on tuesday, and decided to give me another CT scan, even though I wasn't due for one for a few more weeks.
The initial reaction was that the lesion near my windpipe had grown in the last six weeks, and that we would somehow have to reduce its size, either surgically or via radiation. Upon hearing this I began to get very depressed. For the last ear and a half, every CT has revealed worse news each time.
So today I went back to NYC to discuss various treatment options with an interventive radiologist. By chance ran into my oncologist in the building, and he told me the news. Upon further examination of the scan, some of the lesions in my lungs had disappeared. This was the first time Iheve ever gotten any good news from a CT scan since they found the first lesion in my right lung in October, 2005. Needless to say I was stoked. Later on, he also explained to me that wile the lesion that has been irritating me had indeed increased in size, he also mentioned that it appeared "necrotic", and that it may in fact be dying. Still, the doctors want to go ahead and try and decrease its size anyway, since it has been causing me so much discomfort. So got back to NYC monday morning to meet with another doctor.
It feels so good to finally hear some good news. Staying positive has been extremely difficult these last few weeks. Ths has been the first time that my cancer has actually effected my life, kept me from doing things. This news is a much needed pick me up!!!
Here's the deal: I have been feeling like hell for the last two weeks. I have been coughing like I smoked two packs of Marlboros a day since Styx had their last hit single. A lesion near my windpipe was agitiating it, causing me to cough ad nauseum. By ad nauseum I mean it even made me puke a few times. I couldn't take it anymore, so on Monday I called my doctor. He had me go to NYC on tuesday, and decided to give me another CT scan, even though I wasn't due for one for a few more weeks.
The initial reaction was that the lesion near my windpipe had grown in the last six weeks, and that we would somehow have to reduce its size, either surgically or via radiation. Upon hearing this I began to get very depressed. For the last ear and a half, every CT has revealed worse news each time.
So today I went back to NYC to discuss various treatment options with an interventive radiologist. By chance ran into my oncologist in the building, and he told me the news. Upon further examination of the scan, some of the lesions in my lungs had disappeared. This was the first time Iheve ever gotten any good news from a CT scan since they found the first lesion in my right lung in October, 2005. Needless to say I was stoked. Later on, he also explained to me that wile the lesion that has been irritating me had indeed increased in size, he also mentioned that it appeared "necrotic", and that it may in fact be dying. Still, the doctors want to go ahead and try and decrease its size anyway, since it has been causing me so much discomfort. So got back to NYC monday morning to meet with another doctor.
It feels so good to finally hear some good news. Staying positive has been extremely difficult these last few weeks. Ths has been the first time that my cancer has actually effected my life, kept me from doing things. This news is a much needed pick me up!!!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
If you're gonna be sick...
The weather here in New York has been pretty miserable these last few days. Personaly, I am glad that it has been less than perfect June conditions. For the past few days I have been feeling a bit under the weather, and logging a lot more couch time than I would like to. It makes being a lazy slug a lot easier to deal with when you don't feel like going outside anyway.
Fortunately, I have been feeling better, and the weather is supposed to improve as well. I attribute the inprovement in my health to plenty of rest and narcotics. Tylenol with codeine works! This stuff has really improved my overall well being!
It still sucks that I haven't been out on my bike for almost a week. Nothing to make me feel like a slug more than a week of physical inactivity. But considering the last ride went on I started t have spells of dizziness, perhaps some time off was a good strategey. The last thing I want to experience on my bike is a head on collision with a milk truck, brough on by a sudden lack of consciousness. Plus, I would hate to have my new bike wrecked before I even get 1000 miles on the thing.
Other than the setback I incurred last week, I have been feeling a lot beter these last few days. I realy beleive that this time the IL-2 s kicking in and attacking my melanoma. But still, I am reeling from missing out on the Ride to Montauk last weekend. This s the first time that something possibly related to my cancer has stopped me from doing something. It was kind of difficult to take, especially when I was feeling as crappy as I was this past weekend.
But, as little orphan Annie sand, the sun will come out tomorrow. The weather is supposed to warm up in the next couple of days. Perhaps I will finally bust out my mountain bike, which has been collecting dust all winter. It's been a few months since I've played in the mud, pehaps a tour over Scotch Valley, perhaps down the backside to have lunch at Nuclear BBQ is in order.
Fortunately, I have been feeling better, and the weather is supposed to improve as well. I attribute the inprovement in my health to plenty of rest and narcotics. Tylenol with codeine works! This stuff has really improved my overall well being!
It still sucks that I haven't been out on my bike for almost a week. Nothing to make me feel like a slug more than a week of physical inactivity. But considering the last ride went on I started t have spells of dizziness, perhaps some time off was a good strategey. The last thing I want to experience on my bike is a head on collision with a milk truck, brough on by a sudden lack of consciousness. Plus, I would hate to have my new bike wrecked before I even get 1000 miles on the thing.
Other than the setback I incurred last week, I have been feeling a lot beter these last few days. I realy beleive that this time the IL-2 s kicking in and attacking my melanoma. But still, I am reeling from missing out on the Ride to Montauk last weekend. This s the first time that something possibly related to my cancer has stopped me from doing something. It was kind of difficult to take, especially when I was feeling as crappy as I was this past weekend.
But, as little orphan Annie sand, the sun will come out tomorrow. The weather is supposed to warm up in the next couple of days. Perhaps I will finally bust out my mountain bike, which has been collecting dust all winter. It's been a few months since I've played in the mud, pehaps a tour over Scotch Valley, perhaps down the backside to have lunch at Nuclear BBQ is in order.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Punked
Right now, I am supposed to be in one of my favotite places in the world. I should be relaxing in at the end of Long Island, having recently compleed the Ride to Montauk. Up until 24 hours ago, I was all set. But I have been coughing like crazy all week, and yesterday I called up the doctor. They suggested that I go for a chest X-ray to make sure that I wasn't experiencing any fluid or infection in my lungs. Fortunately, there wasn't. I waited all afternoon for the doctor to call back, ut never heard anything. So I went to Rite-Aid, and picked up some over the counter cough syrup, which seemed to help out.
I was feeling to beat to make the drive from the Catskills to the Island. I decided that I would have to eat the $98 I spent, and rest up. It turned out t be the right decision. I woke up this morning feeling sick, and ended up throwing up as well. That was a good indicator that today was probably not a good day to go ride 66 miles. Even after I woke up, I spent most of the morning on the couch, sleeping intermittently.
Right now I feel the way I expected to feel last week in the hospital. Which is funny, because last week I didn't fel this bad. Perhaps the IL-2 is just taking a bit longer to kick in or something. Still, this really sucks. But if this the the penalty for kicking cancer's ass, I will gladly accept it.
I was feeling to beat to make the drive from the Catskills to the Island. I decided that I would have to eat the $98 I spent, and rest up. It turned out t be the right decision. I woke up this morning feeling sick, and ended up throwing up as well. That was a good indicator that today was probably not a good day to go ride 66 miles. Even after I woke up, I spent most of the morning on the couch, sleeping intermittently.
Right now I feel the way I expected to feel last week in the hospital. Which is funny, because last week I didn't fel this bad. Perhaps the IL-2 is just taking a bit longer to kick in or something. Still, this really sucks. But if this the the penalty for kicking cancer's ass, I will gladly accept it.
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